I wanted to get into the left lane, so I put on my blinker. Bad idea. It tipped off the guy a hundred yards behind me. He sped up as if to say, “You’re not getting in my lane, pal, you’re not getting one car length ahead of me and ruining my life.” I wanted to get even, get in front of him and slam on my breaks. I sped up. He sped up. I sped up. He sped up. I looked at my speedometer. I was going 96 miles an hour. I thought, “Paul, settle down! This is a ford fiesta! What are you doing? How did I get sucked into this guy’s misery?” Continue reading
I have an active imagination with scenarios constantly swinging from horrific to heroic–I call it Paranoid Optimism. It’s the Murphy’s Law of spirituality: Anything that can go wrong will go wrong, but fortunately it’s all for the best. As a kid this thinking helped me fall asleep by assuming that the monster under my bed could beat the crap out of anyone in the closet. Continue reading
I knew it would be a rough flight when I got a glimpse of the pilot—he’d missed a belt loop. Earlier, security had noticed something suspicious in my carry-on and sent it to be x-rayed again. Four guards convened and asked me what the black spot on my bag was. I could only guess. “A tumor?” Continue reading
The Bed, Bath and Beyond coupons keep arriving. It’s alpha mail and I can’t get enough. I live in a big old house divided into apartments. Our mailboxes are not secure, just tin boxes on the porch. No keys, just old fashioned American trust. So when the coupons arrive I pluck them all.